Your point about people needing to "MAKE it their business" is so, so important, and it's a vital wakeup call to women like me and to society.

Yes, abuse victims will likely push back at first - generally speaking, they have self esteem issues a mile deep and you are essentially asking them to wake up from the only reality they have come to know.

And I think it helps to understand that leaving an abuser is hard, but it also just...sucks. Does it suck as bad as staying? Probably not, but you might be asking someone to cut and run with no money, few career skills, and a mountain of mental health struggles that will follow them for a long, long time once they're on their own.

So, don't LET them be "on their own." Don't let them feel like they have to literally claw their way out of their own skin, their own reality, to make a better life for themselves and their kids. Keep telling them the truth about their abuse, and keep strategizing, helping them plan, and supporting them with unconditional positive regard.

The best thing we can do for people going through abuse is to relentlessly fight the narratives their abuser(s) push on them. We have to build up their self esteem and offer a better reality!

Thank you so much for writing this, Em, and for sharing your experiences. I'm so glad to hear that you escaped and forged a better, happier life!