Member-only story
Sure, Kid, You Can Do Anything — Until You Try To Do Everything
If God meant for you to do 8 things at once, you’d be an octopus. Don’t try to be something you’re not!
I tried to juggle once. I was one of those rare kids who actually had an (over)abundance of self-esteem — it wasn’t a mere front to protect my tender soul — and having seen some dude effortlessly tossing around bowling pins I naturally assumed I could do the same.
I was wrong. My efforts to juggle assorted lunchroom items and impress the squad instantly became a disaster of epic proportions. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the juggling part that really got me…I didn’t even get to that part.
Apparently, you’re supposed to make sure a yogurt carton is closed before you try to juggle it. I can still smell the acrid odor of calcium-imbued failure all these years later.
As an unrelated PSA: the smell of yogurt is really hard to get out of your hair.
I believe that every memory has something to teach us, no matter how innocuous it may seem. This dairy-scented catastrophe is no exception. People who juggle are either naturally suited for the task, or they’ve spent years learning to master it.
