Sorry, But Your Kid Doesn’t Bully Because They’re Deep Or Hurting — They’re Just An Asshole

Stop finding reasons for young abusers and treat them as what they are: problems. And they need to be stopped.

Emily Sinclair Montague


Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Ah, school bullies. Many have had them, many have been them. Many have watched them from the sidelines as they abuse other kids and torment whoever they decide to target.

Anyone on the receiving end can tell you: these kids are assholes. Big, stinky, worthless assholes who not only do not add anything to the educational experience, but actively detract from it.

Adults in positions of influence rarely do anything to stop them from being a problem. And to those adults, I have some things to say.

Bullying? It’s not give-and-take, most of the time. It’s not “he did this, so she did that.” The bully started the problem. They perpetuate the problem. They abuse, and victims may fight back or try to do so, but the abuser is still the abuser. And the victims are still the victims.

Maybe they learned from their parents. I don’t care. Maybe they learn from the internet, or from other kids, or from video games. I don’t care. They won’t be convinced to stop abusing because you force-feed them empathy and try to make them apologize to their victims. They’re abusers, youth notwithstanding, and the only way to stop them from abusing is by exercising force.

Real, physical consequences. Actual accountability in the form of things they can’t wiggle away from or happily ignore.

Bullies are abusers. Say it with me: Bullies, whatever they might look like or however they might enact their bullying, are abusers.

Treat them like it.

A lot of the time, there will be other abusers protecting them, or at best trying to ignore the problem of abuse because — shocker — they don’t actually see it as a problem. On some level, whether deep or surface, they see the world as an endless, depressing power struggle. Victims get what they deserve for being weak. Bullies are just alphas, just securing their rightful place in the world.



Emily Sinclair Montague

Author & Full-Time Writer. Embracing life’s chaos one word at a time. Get in touch at (or don’t, but I love the attention)!